I visited Camden Market in London with a friend once. It was an interesting voyeuristic experience. As in common in London, there was large variety in people's dress and manner. There did appear to be more alternative, or unusual people than average, however. I recall seeing a few goths for instance. Throughout this visit, which mostly consisted of walking and browsing, I came to the realisation that while I was observing the curious sights, I was myself a curious sight. Admittedly, I wouldn't think of myself as that strange, perhaps no one does, but I do tend to dress in a manner which blends into the background. This relevation, that I was both the watcher and the watched, was somehow horrifying. It made me uncomfortable to know that I could be observed. There are levels of observation that feel acceptable and understandable. When I bought tea for instance, from a shop with a large variety, even though it was a shop the experience was similar enough to previous coffee shop interactions to be perfectly acceptable. Of course I am observed during this because I have to talk to the barrista to obtain my order. When I sit and drink that tea at a table the observation has disappeared, or so I thought. There is this odd belief that I become invisible. It is of course not true. I am always being observed, or more accurately, I am always observable. For some reason, perhaps because it felt as though I was marvelling at so many things, I became aware that I am a marvel. The idea was later discussed by me and my therapist. The idea exists beyond being seen in public, and extends to a slightly more abstract sense of being observed. I realised I always had a faint feeling of embarrasment when it came to expressing what I was interested in or what I liked to my family. It feels scary to take a stance, to say I like a thing. Here it is clear to see that the threat is judgement. The worry of what will occur is plainly that the target of my affection will be viewed negatively, which will pull back a negative judgement onto me. It is the negative judgement that must be avoided, as it brings feelings of shame. Instead positive judgement is better, because it brings feelings of embarrasment.